Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
