Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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