Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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