I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
