can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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