Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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