i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
zippers are such a cool invention
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
