First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
