i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
