im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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