Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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