yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
