dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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