I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
