Walk of Shame. In a state park.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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