what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
