I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I want is dick and wine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
