i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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