Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
