i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
