He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
