Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
