Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize