So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
