i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize