We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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