Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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