i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
