I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
