We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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