his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
