I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
