i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
