turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
