Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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