If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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