I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i would punch a child for taco bell
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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