I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
