i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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