When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
