I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
