whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
