What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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