We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
