it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
