i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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