He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My room smells like vodka and shame
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
