Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
