i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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