She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
