her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
