So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
