New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize