someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have started to decorate penises.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
