i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize