I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
