Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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