Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
