what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
