Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
