When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dear god my vagina.
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