Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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