my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
