dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
