dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize