I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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