so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
