i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
