So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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