I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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