I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
