im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
