So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
