I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
