a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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