everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
