Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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