Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
