New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
