his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
